The time is fast-approaching for me to go back to work in a more serious fashion and for Eliott to (FINALLY!) spend some time without me.
I love Eliott to bits. He's funny, silly, great company. We went out for dinner together on Friday night. Just the two of us, sat at a wee table with a red rose. We had a toast, 'to us'. Then we giggled at the silly waiter who was trying everything in the book to get Eliott to talk (the non-talkage is still a concern, but one we can occasionally have a bit of a laugh with).
What I'm not loving so much are the confines of my role as a full-time mum. For the first year I really did think Eliott was a genius and got sucked into competitive mum world, but I'm glad to have my feet firmly back on terra firma and to adore a child who is normal and wonderful and troublesome and facing his issues like the rest of us. Like many of the challenges I've faced in life, it's grounded me and reminded me that the world never revolves around our family (and thank God for that).
Parenting seems to be moving into a new phase. It's one that I'm much more suited to and, as such, I don't wring my hands about when to start potty training (at this rate 2015, but, like, who cares?) or how to handle temper tantrums (time-outs work spectacularly well for us thank you very much).
I've had a lot of trouble over the years with the relationship I have with myself (it comes of being stark staring mad), but the relationships I have with those closest to me have always been pretty solid. I feel the same about my relationship with El - all the more reason for alarm bells to ring when Matt mentioned the fact we'd only spent an hour together in the last month. No point having one sussed if it's going to wreck the other.
If I really want to make a go of my career and look after my marriage, I can't afford to be immersed in full-time "mum world" any longer. Does this make me selfish? No, I don't think so. I'm not proposing that I wash my hands of my little man - just a gentle dust down with a wet wipe.
I've loved the last two years, but as September dawns and the big kids toddle off to school, I feel the time is right to make a change. I'm proud that I have been here with El full-time and still managed to achieve some of my career ambitions. It's been bloody hard and rewarding, but it will do us all good to get a bit of balance back in our lives as opposed to full-on hysteria on a daily basis (deadlines/tantrums/days out/toddler gyms/interviews - and all before lunch).
On that note, I'm off to France for an intensive week of loving my family and when I return (safe flights permitting - oh yes, that old chestnut) it will be with a new sense of purpose and direction.
I bet you can't wait.
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6 comments:
Have a fab time in France, JoJo, and here's too a fab year for you both.
Have a great holiday, and there's nowt wrong with wanting to love your husband more! Sez xx
Its a marvellous and sensible idea. You've stuck with fulltime parenting and fulltime work for so long you're practically a saint!!
Eli will have a fantastic time and will probably thrive, you can finally give yourself a break and start working at a more reasonable pace!!
I have begun to look forward to the time our two toddle off to school and I toddle off to work somewhere (the difference being I'll last about five minutes before I start to detest my job)
Good luck chuckie egg xx
Great post Jo!
I'm fed up of people who pass comment 'against' whichever path you choose as a mum.
There is a woman at my daughters' kids club where they go sometimes (see even now I want to shout 'that's only occasionally you know') who tells me at least every other time we meet that actually, she 'never went out to work' before her son was five. I smile and nod and be polite.
Some mums in the school playground are a bit funny with me. "Oh I don't have to work, and I like to keep the house nice, that's my job isn't it," they say and laugh at me when I say my partner is better acquainted with the iron than me!
Again I smile and nod but secretly I'm thinking: "Yeah and you'd better keep your son away from my daughters Missus!"
Anyway have a lovely time in France. And don't kill yourself working when you get back. :)
I watch with interest as I know a few years down the line I'll no doubt be in your shoes. There is a great feature in Vogue [August] about taking on the mum role and how even in entirely equal relationships all of a sudden everything falls down to the mum. I find that frightening, but it sounds like you;ve done a great job of finding balance being their for your little man when he's needed you. Sounds the big man needs some attention now.
It's a good job women are so good at multi-tasking.
You'll sort it with your usual grace and humour, JoJo. Oh yes you will.
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